the full title (it was too long sorry!!) : pondering marriage. pondering how my ring broke. pondering 3 ( it's actually 4 ) years. pondering in general i suppose.
do you ever
think of Loneliness?
i imagine her as a striking
young woman,
red hair
and tattooed left shoulder.
she is fickle though.
not lonely,
yet harbinger of Loneliness.
( always an angel never a god )
desperate to love
yet lips sewn shut.
she is fickle yet kind.
i haven’t the courage to
deserve her sometimes.
i learn to love
her like she’s always dreamt.
i buy her flowers. write
her love poems. leave
her gifts. promise her promises
that i always keep. treat her
well. do her hair. tell her
she looks nice. play games with her.
lie in her bed for hours. love
her music. love her room.
love her.
i let her take up all my time.
entertain all of her dreams. laugh
at all of her jokes.
what has she seen in me?
how could i deserve her?
i fall asleep thinking of
how much has changed.
to heal wounds
that stung for centuries.
oh, i cannot call myself
a
child anymore.
the weight on my shoulders exists
all the same.
do you grieve childhood?
i suppose i don’t;
i cannot grieve something
i have not lost.
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