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dostoyevsky is born in november (a love letter for all of my friends)

[i almost never write about others but i am incredibly blessed to have friends like i do]


my birthday is in september.


some sort of awkward,

non-committal month caught between summer and

autumn.


some years i wear dresses,

other years i shiver in a hoodie.


in some ways,

it’s me;

some sort of awkward

non-committal poet

caught between loving too much and

not saying enough.


i wish

i could

write happy birthday

cards everyday.


i wish i could scrawl

notes in my bright

pink pen every single day -

write about how

much love there is for

you all -

every day.


i would fold

little sheets of paper

into roses and butterflies

until my fingers ached.


there’s acts of devotion

in secret;

like remembering

and smiling to myself

and laughing three hours

later at the joke


and have you seen my camera roll?


i capture every moment

of joy.


so often

the photos

aren’t enough

and oh

how long i’ve

spent with

this silly illness,

lying in my bed

and letting music play

and pondering how lucky i am

for all the love.


i’ve been blowing my nose

and willing the

universe to send goodness

to everyone who i love.


there’s no

invisible string

or golden thread

but there’s some glimmer

of destiny

in the coincidences.


shared interests

and shared laughs

and aligned timings

and unplanned collisions.


to all my friends,

my dear dear friends,

i hope in every version of reality,

i find you all.


i hope we sit together and listen to

music.


i hope we share a spot on a patch of

grass

and


although i

don’t know

your middle name,

i can tell when you mean the promises you make.


my birthday is in september.


the moon pales at my

affection for friendship. she shies

and turns her face away,

and whispers to the stars.


dostoyevsky,

my favourite author,

was born in november.


i will never be born in november,

and i won’t ever be like

winter or summer.


i’ll always be autumn.


my love will always be

golden leaves

and

pulling scarves out from the back of the cupboard.


oh, my dearest

dearest friends,


i have spent nights

falling apart

yet

for all the explosions

of all the galaxies,


i guess it would be

okay if we share a small lemonade.





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