perhaps it is not clear enough but lover is a metaphor for the sun. it's an extended metaphor. i just wanted to clarify that lmao ^_^
she touches the soft place
between my stomach and my hips;
she touches that place on my back
where i hold all the tears
i haven’t the courage to cry.
i wonder if anyone will look at me the same,
the sun kisses my cheek in response.
i ask why things had to be this way,
tears in my eyes.
for your strength she replies, for your love your life your beauty. for you.
i cry anyway.
my lover visits me through the kitchen window,
it’s 7 am and i’m alone.
4 am and it’s dark and i’ve accidentally fallen asleep.
promise me things won’t change? promise it
was all for the best?
to fear love, to fear.
the sun wipes my tears and her
hands are warm, god
sometimes i ache when i’m cold
and it’s cold fingertips and shivering
but it’s also my tears freezing
and it hurts.
i am afraid to write.
dear sun, if i tell you how much
i love you, would you leave?
dear sun, my skin is warm my skin is warm.
i am lucky for you.
alone can be so alone but i’m never alone,
oh lover you wouldn’t leave me. clouds
and lightning and winter and all
and you always make your way back to me.
like the sea to the shore. like the devotion of platonic.
i write love letters to the moon
but my dear sun i am yours alone.
unduly, things can happen to hurt but oh
lover how you ease the pain.
your Golden Girl only. always.
oh lover i’m already 17
and 18 looms with short fingernails and bitten skin and different hair.
oh sun i’m only 17 and there is an eternity to love you,
oh sun i am only 17 but i am the same stardust as you.
everything is everywhere
and lord i’m only 17.
i sit alone in my lessons
and watch dust motes swill in the
air how i lose my breath
for the beauty of a sunbeam.
i lose and find my breath
all at once in you
hey lover
visit me more.
show me the magic.
warm my aching fingers. ask me on a date.
[i will say no.]
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