[if only i could articulate it. love to you all. sending hugs always]
i feel
very far away sometimes;
sort of like
i fell into my cup of
water
and i stare at the
rim with some defeated appreciation.
i love through a sheet of glass,
i love through a glass
of water,
muffled promises,
loud apologies.
i love through yawns,
i love through sickness and
health.
oh, i feel very
far away sometimes.
at the bottom of my cup
of water
or sat in a cloud;
looking down and wishing i’d
brought my glasses so i
might see the love i missed.
my birthday came
and went
and i wept for the kindness
and wept for the softness
and wept for
the 18.
november rolls
into my hands
like a child
staggering to be picked up.
i spent october with a
meek ‘thank you’
stuck in my throat - what is it
to be thankful?
to fall over myself wishing i
knew how to say it louder.
to spend my days
endlessly smiling
and remembering the charm of
the world.
november tumbles through
my hair and for all
the empty space in
all the pointless atoms
there is meaning in
staying on the phone
for a few minutes more.
there is meaning in notes
passed to the back
of the classroom
and some accidental
telepathy.
there is joy
in the smallest smiles
and recognising
a sneeze
and remembering
weekend plans
and asking questions.
there is devotion
in it all.
oh, thank
you for reacquainting me
with my own laughter.
and i feel very far away
sometimes
but my feet touch
the ground in
spectacular displays
of remembering
how to smile.
have i said thank you?
probably not; i don’t think it
means enough.
what to say instead?
i miss you. i care about you.
i’ll try and be funny, gift back
a smile.
thank you anyway. for all the stars
in all the skies
and the joy you couldn’t
even fathom,
thank you.
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