the shame

the shame.

the shame.

so much

there is

so

unbelievably much

running through my heart my brain

my lungs my life

my throat

my pancreas

my liver

and all it is is words on a page

i love my heart the way

a

house loves her ghost.

i love you the way a

ghost

misses death.

the turning world won’t ever

forget what

happened to you.

the memories

they’re all there the memories

will always be there.

i don’t remember it

but i feel it

i feel aloneness

and the way it holds

my name in its mouth,

the way it winds around me

and touches my skin

warm

warm warm skin.

i feel it open my bedroom window

and climb in

with a coy

smile ;

i’ll let the love

affair carry

on and lose myself

in myself

and learn to accept every

second every breath.

-i’m picking up a silly habit

i had when i was very

young

and now i have a single knotty

curled strand of hair-

and last night

when the moon

climbed into my room,

hand in hand with

aloneness,

she said my name

as if someone

had been speaking to her

about me.

‘natasha natasha natasha’

who’s been talking to the moon about me?

who’s been telling

her i’m so lovely?

i think it might have been me.