had a lovely shower tonight, not much else.
i am desperate to write,
and an eternity
would leave me starving.
i peel away the layers of my
existence
as i take my
rings off to shower.
the water is hot and i walk
in as pure energy,
accompanied
by the
song that makes me feel real.
the shower is like rain,
beating blood to the surface of my skin
and
wrapping around me.
words wash over me,
with every droplet
another line;
another line lost down
the drain.
i stare at it,
sat next to clumps of my hair
and bubbles from my shampoo.
i stare at it
and inhale the scent
of my soap,
breathe the cleanliness
and promises of eternal love.
i am a hungry woman,
but i let the lines
drain away,
i let them go in peace.
yearning yells
at me,
but i yell with it
and hug it.
the water falls
over me,
tracking like a tear down my face.
forgiveness opens the door,
and brushes my wet hair
as gently as the
stars tell me i am worthy.
promises dress me
and my desperation
put the lines from the drain
back on a page.
i ponder memories;
i wonder if a shower could ever
be enough to wash
away the past,
or if i will scrub uselessly
in hopes of a
blank canvas.
i think
of every missed opportunity to
hug myself.
i think of how painful
i had convinced myself
love was.
i wonder how i survived,
so terrified to love
and of being loved.
i think
that
maybe i don’t want a blank canvas,
and i let what has happened
become
what won’t happen again.
i let every missed moment
of self love
become a longer hug.
i let myself
grow and breathe,
and look forward to my shower tomorrow.
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