things have changed

(yet nothing

changes really)

it’s not so cold

anymore,

haven’t you noticed?

wearing t shirts

and curling my hair.

washing it often.

i walk in the (not so) cold air and

look up at the sky and the sun

and the death of the winter.

writing doesn’t fear me,

nor i it.

listening to love

songs and asking

my girl if

she’ll be my valentine,

laughing at the sound of 14 year

old me squealing at the thought;

falling in love with myself.

leaning against brick walls,

knocking my head against

my bed and

finding the secrets in the

corner of my smile.

so much has changed hasn’t it?

it’s warmer these days,

haven’t you noticed?

my four limbs sit

around a table,

and they avoid

and avoid and avoid

conversation.

(avoid conversation?)

my jaw just

aches,

all of me does.

all of me does.

things have changed

but it's the same

me,

the same smile

and the same nose

and the same laugh

that i love i love i love.

it's the same body

and the same hips

and the same sense

of humour.

the same shame

and the same pain

and the same ache.

( the same shame?)

it'll all change

(dust to dust)

and at the end?

i find breath.