hello, it has been quite a while hasn't it? well, exams are all done, i've moved half way across the country, and am feeling positively empty in the best way possible (fresh start!)
this poem is heavily influenced and inspired by the book 'a shining affliction' by annie g rogers. probably one of the best books i have ever read and will ever read. this book has affected me in ways i never imagined a book about a psychotherapist and a five-year-old ben ever could.
my mum suspected my use of the word 'you' insinuated romance or the introduction of someone else into my sacred world of words. to that, i say that romance is dead. the 'you' i refer to is myself - the little pieces as annie may say. there are many forms and parts of myself within me. i write to Them, i write for Them, and i write about Them. similarly to most things i say, i suspect that made little to no sense, but it made me feel very complete inside and so i will explain myself no further.
time falls away from me
and i worship the dust motes
floating around amongst
photons and the essence itself
of time
i long to hold it in my hands
sunlight and purity and
love
i long to hold it within
to be present and feel
perhaps the curse of a writer
is forever to be the perceiver
never the feeler, never the experiencer
perhaps my curse is always to love,
to love wholly and without fear,
yet plagued by the knowledge of the history yet to come
time disintegrates around me
as i wake in my dreams, and dream
in my waking breaths
perhaps what i fear most has
happened already, and
i am free of my anxiety
maybe i am forever cursed to watch,
to see and build palaces
of metaphors and
adjectives
or maybe i am always Blessed to
see everything as it truly is
"blue lenses," a voice whispers to me somewhere
in my blessing of True Vision, i
see not the beauty within but the Beauty
itself
in my blessing of True Vision, i see
your heart in all its agony and purity and longing
and i yearn to heal it
yet time is falling away from me
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